don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
