It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
