I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
