Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
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