STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize