my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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