I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
