Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Holy shit dude........stairs
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
