I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Will you blow on my dice?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
