I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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