My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
