I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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