so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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