You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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