I'm drive I can fine osifer
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
