New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
