I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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