i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
