guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
