how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
