She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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