It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Need sex. Gaining weight.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
