Have you finally orgasmed yet?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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