i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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