I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
