So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
