Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
