I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Randomize
