I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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