Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
