i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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