peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
