Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
