I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
