why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
