You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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