If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
