Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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