After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize