Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
