The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize