just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
