I cockslap morals
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
