ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So many bounce houses so little time
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
