YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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