i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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