I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
