I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
