Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize