We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Every concussion has its silver lining
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
