I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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