The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize