oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
