I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
