I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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