You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
