Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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