it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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