if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
