i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize