i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
