He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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