So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize