I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
