Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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