They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
