There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You can't just leave with hair like that
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
