just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
