Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
