I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
