Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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