We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
