I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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