i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
