He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
