I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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