Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
