I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
