just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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