And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
