captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
