So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
